Hello again, acquaintances. It’s very nice to see you again! Have you been working out? It looks like you’ve gained some lean muscle in your shoulders! I’m happy for you! Well, let’s get to it. I’m going to try something new today and provide you with a detailed analysis of a popular viral video. Perhaps it will be entertaining. Perhaps it will be a tremendous failure. Only Al Gore, Ceremonial King of the Internet, knows for sure! Today’s viral sensation is…
“Friday” by Rebecca Black!
As the kids say, I was “crunked” to find this song a few weeks ago. I’m pretty sure I’m using “crunked” appropriately. Please “Friendster” me if I’m mistaken! There are still a ton of people who have never heard “Friday” so I have thoughtfully provided the music video for your convenience. Enjoy!
My goodness! Wasn't that something?!? For those of you who don’t know, Rebecca Black is a 13-year-old-girl from California. Rebecca was an avid singer as a kid so her mom paid $4000 to Ark Music Factory to write and produce a song for her daughter. That little gem turned out to be “Friday.” As of this moment, the music video for “Friday” has 109 MILLION views on YouTube. For a little perspective, 122 million people voted in the 2008 Presidential Election. Lookin’ good, America! Now, as jaded and cynical as I may be, I am not jaded and cynical enough to savagely berate a 13-year-old-girl on the internet. I know! I AM AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE! I will, however blame this song (and the current state of popular music as a whole) on Cher. But we’ll get to her soon enough!
Let’s begin with the lyrics, shall we? They’re posted at the bottom of the article for your thoughtful perusal. Is it me or is there a lot of repetition in this song? You’re mother-effing right, there’s a lot of repetition! The word “yeah” is used 22 times! As it happens, the number 22 is a significant one. Have you ever heard of a catch-22? How about the fact that .22 caliber bullets have killed more people than any other ballistic projectile in history? Maybe you’ll be surprised to learn that the Titanic was travelling at 22 knots when it struck the iceberg that would rend the ship’s hull and kill Leonardo DiCaprio! Is this a coincidence or an intentionally planted message?!? It’s a coincidence. What're you, crazy?
The combined usage of the words “yeah,” “fun,” and “Friday” account for 1/6 of the words used in this song. Those 3 words appear 70 times in “Friday.” There’s also a considerable amount of verbiage wasted explaining how the days of the week relate to one another. I specifically remember a pre-school class that taught me that Sunday comes after Saturday. Is this no longer common knowledge? I had mastered the "days of the week" at a time when I still thought Big Bird was actually a big bird. With the state of the American education system, there’s a very real chance that Rebecca Black will be teaching the nation’s toddlers by 2020. Prepare yourselves!
I also take umbrage at this depiction of “partying.” If I was attending a party like the one shown in this video I would certainly not say “yeah!” It’s basically just a bunch of tweens milling about and watching Rebecca Black sing next to a tree. Would you say “yeah?” I didn’t think you would! As a college-attendee and an all-around-happening-kind-of-guy, I’ve been to some pretty good parties in my day. This party is not making me look forward to the weekend. I’d actually prefer to stay at the office and finish some expense reports, if it’s all the same to you.
Remember when I said that this whole debacle can be pinned on Cher? Of course you do! YOU ARE ATTENTIVE!!!! In this writer’s opinion, the marked decline of popular music can be traced to one specific song from 1998. IT'S NOT "TORN" BY NATALIE IMBRUGLIA!!! The song in question is “Believe” by Cher. “Believe” was the first hit song in history to rely extensively on Auto-Tune. Auto-Tune, if you don’t know, is an audio processor designed to correct pitch errors in real time. In simplified terms, it can make anyone into a pitch-perfect singer. Auto-Tune allows anyone to read the phonebook and create a danceable melody out of thin air. Technology!!! I’ll let “Weird Al” Yankovic explain the finer points...
In summation, we shouldn't blame Rebecca Black for the current “bottom-of-the-dumpster” stank emanating from today’s popular music. Rebecca Black is just a naïve kid but Cher is a bitter old Harpy from ancient times who has ruined music for the foreseeable future with her robot sounds. That’s all for today, Internuts! I’ll see you back here around the middle of the week!
The Lyrics:
(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards
I don’t want this weekend to end
R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
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