Chris gives you the straight dope on grass.

Greetings, website visitors!  In honor of the unofficial national holiday of April 20^th, we’ll be briefly delving into a hot button issue today.  Pop quiz: What do glaucoma sufferers, Rastafarians, and all your favorite celebrities have in common?

Marijuana!!!

Aw, shiiiiit.  It’s about to get a little hazy up in this blog.  As I mentioned above, 4/20 is considered a holiday by most of the counterculture.  On this day, thousands of people gather to celebrate and partake of marijuana.  The origins of 420 (both the date 4/20 and the time 4:20) are highly disputed.  A commonly held belief is that a group of teenagers from California established 4:20 as the meeting time to smoke weed and the tradition spread like wildfire.  Cannabis is known by many names.  How many names, you ask?  Well, here are a few…

And this guy.

This guy smoked pot.

Ace, Acapulco Gold, Acapulco Red, Afgani Indica, African, African Black, African Bush, African Woodbine, Airplane, Angola, Ashes, Assassin of Youth, Astro Turf, Atshitshi, Aunt Mary, Baby, Baby Bhang, Babysitter, Bad Seed, Bale, Bamba, Bambalachacha, Bammy, Bar, Bash, Belyando Spruce, Bhang, Binky, Black, Black Bart, Black Ganga, Black Gold, Black Gungi, Black Gunion, Blanket, Blaze, Block, Blond, Blonde, Blowing Smoke, Blue de Hue, Blue Sage, Blue Sky, Blunt, Bo, Bobo, Bo Bo Bush, Bohd, Bomber, Boo, Boo Boo Bama, Boom, Bowl, Broccoli, Brown, Bubble Gum, Budda, Buds, Bullyon, Burnie, Bush, Butter, Butter Flower, C.S., Cam Trip, Cambodian Red/Cam Red, Can, Canadian Black, Canamo, Canappa, Cancelled Stick, Cannabis Tea, Carmabis, Catnip, Cavite All Star, Cest, Charas, Charge, Cheeba, Cheeo, Chemo, Chicago Black, Chicago Green, Chira, Chocolate Thai, Christmas Bud, Christmas Tree, Chronic, Chunky, Churus, Citrol, Climb, Cochornis, Colas, Coli, Coliflor Tostao, Colorado Cocktail, Columbia, Columbia Red, Columbian, Colombo, Columbus Black, Cosa, Crazy Weed, Cripple, Crying Weed, Cryppie, Cryptonite, Culican, Dagga, Dajja, Dank, Dawamesk, Dew, Diablito (Spanish), Diambista, Dimba, Ding, Dinkie Dow, Dipped Joints, Dirt Grass, Dirties, Dirty Joints, Ditch, Ditch Weed, Djamba, Do A Joint, Domestic, Don Jem, Don Juan, Dona Juana (Spanish), Dona Juanita (Spanish), Donk, Doob, Doobee, Doobie, Dope, Dope Smoke, Doradilla, Draf, Draf Weed, Drag Weed, Dro, Dry High, Dube, Dubie, Duby, Durong, Duros (Spanish), Dust, Earth, El Gallo ("Rooster"), Elephant, Endo, Esra, Fallbrook Redhair,  Fatty, Feeling, Fine Stuff, Finger, Finger Lid, Fir, Firewood, Flower, Flower Tops, Fraho/Frajo, Freefo, Fu, Fuma D'Angola (Portugese), Gage/Gauge, Ganga, Gangster, Ganja, Garbage, Gash, Gasper, Gasper Stick, Gates, Gauge Butt, Geek, Geek-Joints, Get a Gage Up, Get High, Get the Wind, Ghana, Giggle Smoke, Giggle Weed, Gimmie, Go Loco, Goblet of Jam, Gold, Gold Star, Golden, Golden Leaf, GOM (Good Old marijuana), Gong, Gonj, Good Butt, Good Giggles, Good Stuff, Goody-Goody, Goof Butt, Gorge, Grass, Grass Brownies, Grasshopper, Grata, Greek, Green, Green Buds, Green Goddess, Greens, Greeter, Gremmies, Greta, Griefo, Griefs, Grifa (Spanish), Griff, Griffa, Griffo, Grogged, Gunga, Gungeon, Gungun, Gunja, Gunjah, Gyve, Haircut, Hanhich, Happy Cigarette, Happy Stick, Harsh, Has, Hash, Hawaiian, Hawaiian Black, Hawaiian Homegrown Hay, Hay, Hay Butt, Haze, Headies, Hemp, Herb, Herb and Al, Herba, Hit, Hit the Hay, Hocus, Homegrown, Honey blunts, Hooch, Hooter, Hot Stick, Hydro, Hydrogrows, Illies, Illing, Illy, Indian Boy, Indian Hay, Indian Hemp, Indica, Indo, Indonesian Bud, Instaga, Instagu, IZM, J, Jamaican Gold, Jamaican Red Hair, Jay, Jay Smoke, Jane, Jim Jones, Jive, Jive Stick, Johnson Grass, Joint, Jolly Green, Jonjem, Joy Smoke, Joy Stick, Ju-Ju, Juan Valdez (Spanish), Juanita (Spanish), Juice Joint, Juja, Ju-Ju, Jumbos, Kabak, Kaff, Kalakit, Kali, Kansas Grass, Kate Bush, Kawaii Electric, Kaya, KB, Kee, Kentucky Blue, Key, KGB, Khayf, Ki, Kick Stick, Kief, Kif, Kiff, Killer, Killer Green Bud, Killer Weed, Kilter, Kind, Kind Bud, King Bud, Kona Gold, Krippy, Kryptonite, Ktutchu String, Kumba, L.G. (Lime Green), L.L., Lace, Lakbay Diva, Laughing Grass, Laughing Weed, Leaf, Leak, Leno (Spanish), Lid, Liesca, Light Green, Lime Green, Light Stuff, Lima, Liprimo, Little Smoke, Llesca, Loaf, Lobo, Loco (Spanish), Loco Weed (Spanish), Locoweed, Log, Loose Shank, Love Boat, Love Leaf, Love Weed, Lovelies, Lubage, M, M.J., M.O., M.U., Macaroni, Machinery, Macon, Maconha, Mafu (Spanish), Maggie, Magic Dragon, Magic Smoke, Manhattan Silver, Mari, Mari Jane, Marimba (Spanish), Mary, Mary & Johnny, Mary Ann, Mary Jane, Mary Jonas, Mary Warner, Mary Weaver, Mary Worner, Matchbox, Maui Wauie, Maui Wowie, Meg, Megg, Meggie, Messorole, Mexican Brown, Mexican Green, Mexican Locoweed, Mexican Red, Mez, Mezz, Mighty Mezz, Mo, Moahsky, Mocoha, Modams, Mohasky, Mohasty, Monte, Mooca/Moocah, Moocha, Mooster, Moota/Mutah, Mooters, Mootie, Mootos, Mor A Grifa, Mota, Mother, Mowing the Lawn, Mow the Grass, Mu, Muggie, Muggle, Muggles, Muta, Mutah, Mutha, Nail, Nigra, Northern Lights, Number, Oboy, O.J., Oit, P-dogs, P.R., Pack, Pack A Bowl, Pack Of Rocks, Pakaloco, Pakalolo, Pakistani Black, Panama Cut, Panama Gold, Panama Red, Panatella, Paper blunts, Parsley, Pasto (Spanish), Pat, Philly Blunts, Pin, Pine, Pocket Rocket, Pod, Poke, Pot, Potlikker, Potten Bush, Prescription, Pretendica, Pretendo, Puff, Queen Ann's Lace, Ragweed, Railroad Weed, Rainy Day, Woman, Rangood, Rasta, Rasta Weed, Red Bud, Red Cross, Red Dirt, Reef, Reefer, Righteous Bush, Rip, Roacha, Rockets, Root, Rope, Rose Marie, Rough Stuff, Rubia, Rugs, Salad, Salt And Pepper, Sandwich Bag, Santa Maria, Santa Marta, Sasfras, Schwagg, Scissors, Scrub, Seeds, Sen, Sess, Sezz, Shake, Shrimp, Siddi, Sinse, Sinsemilia, Skunk, Skunkweed, Smoke, Smoke A Bowl, Smoke Canada, Snop, Spliff, Spliffy, Splim, Square Mackerel, Stack, Stems, Stick, Sticky Icky, Stinkweed, Stoney Weed, Straw, Stuff, Sugar Weed, Super Grass, Super Pot, Swag, Sweet Lucy, T, Taima, Takkouri, Tea, Tex Mex, Texas Pot, Texas Tea, Thai Stick, Thirteen, Thumb, Tin, Toke, Torch, Trauma, Tray, Trees, Triple A, Trupence Bag, Tustin, Twenty Six Red, Twist, Twistum, Unotque, Viper Weed, Wake and Bake, Wacky Tobaccky, Weed, Whack, Whackatabacky, Whackyweed, Wheat, White Russian, White-Haired Lady, Woo Blunts, Wooz, Yeh, Yellow Submarine, Yen Pop, Yerba (Spanish), Yerhia, Yesca, Yesco, Ying, Zambi, Zig Zag Man and Zol.

And this guy.

If you use more than 10 of those words in everyday conversation, guess what?  You are probably smoking marijuana right now!  Look down at your hands…you might surprise yourself!  The abundance of pot terminology that I have no knowledge of reinforces my belief that I am, in fact, old.  According to a 2003 survey, roughly 42 percent of Americans have used marijuana more than once.  Take a look at your best friend or significant other.  More than likely, your most trusted confidante is a dope fiend.  And if they aren’t then you should look in the mirror, Tommy Chong.  THE NUMBERS DON’T LIE!

And this guy.

Marijuana was being used in religious ceremonies as early as 3000 B.C.  People were smoking weed before Egypt had its first Pharaoh.  People were smoking weed before Stonehenge was built.  People were smoking weed before Troy was founded.  Do you see where I’m going with this?  Marijuana is, like, super old!  The history of pot in America is a storied one.  In 1619, Jamestown law required all settlers to grow hemp or cannabis.  When the American people began to push westward it was in wagons covered in hemp canvas.  In fact, the word canvas is derived from cannabis.  Is your mind blown yet?  The U.S. began to regulate the use of cannabis in 1906 after discovering that it was awesome.  By the 1920’s the drug was completely illegal.  Ever since, “the man” has been killing buzzes all over this great nation.  In the early 1990’s, approximately 60% of all incarcerated people were in for a drug charge.  Many states have been fighting for the decriminalization of marijuana.  States like California also offer medicinal marijuana to anyone with a prescription (read: anyone). 

And these guys.

And this guy.

The active ingredient in marijuana is THC (tetrahydrocannabinol if you want to be a dick about it).  The effects of THC include increased heart rate, lowered blood pressure, impairment of short-term and working memory, psychomotor coordination, and concentration.  For some reason, the scientific description neglected to mention the uncontrollable urge to eat Sun Chips and ice cream.  While any smoke inhalation is detrimental to health, marijuana smoke has been shown to be considerably less harmful than cigarette smoke.  Today’s health conscious pot lovers have started using vaporizers or baked goods to completely circumvent the harmful long term effects of smoking.

And this guy.

There is a long-held belief that marijuana is a “gateway” to more hardcore drug abuse.  This is malarkey.  MALARKEY!  If smoking weed invariably led to the use of more serious substances, 42% of the population would be injecting black tar heroin between their toes.  I’m certainly not going to advocate the use of an illicit substance on this blog (this blog which can very easily be traced back to me).  I will, however, use a quote from Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders.  “I think we consume far more dangerous drugs that are legal: cigarette smoking, nicotine and alcohol.  I feel they cause much more devastating effects physically. We need to lift the prohibition on marijuana."  That being said, I hope those of you who choose to partake of the devil’s weed do so safely and in good health.  I’ll leave you with one more quote.

And this guy.

“I used to smoke marijuana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early midafternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk.” -Steve Martin

And this guy.  They can't all be winners...

Stay groovy, Internuts!  I’ll see you back here on Friday!