Thursday, April 21, 2011

Chris tells you how to live your life.

Hello again, loyal readers!  First off, allow me to congratulate myself.  After a minuscule amount of groveling on my part, we now have more than 1000 returning readers to this site.  I haven't done any research on this but I'm pretty sure that means that this is the most popular website on the internet.  Thank you all for reading my page before or after looking at internet pornography.  I sort of hope it's "before."  For today's weekend installment, I'm going to be even lazier than usual.  As an internet connoisseur, I'll be using this forum to share a few of my favorite online diversions.  I'll also fill you in on the best news story from the past week that you might have missed.  Let's get started!

In the News!

Thai fighter.
Oooh, I really want to savor this one.  Here we go.  Are you ready?  "George Lucas's daughter is a cagefighter and she is preparing for a match with Muay Thai fighter, Heather Martin."  Let's dissect this, shall we?  First off, why would a young lady with Star Wars money intentionally get punched in the face for a living?  Amanda Lucas last fought in 2009 but she took a year off to avoid looking like a "battered wife" at her wedding.  But the best part about this is the Muay Thai fighter.  A Muay Thai fighter.  A Thai fighter.  George Lucas's daughter is going to do battle with a Thai fighter.  If you don't know why this is funny, you are probably much better at sports than I am. 

The World Wide Web!

Without a doubt, my favorite website is The A.V. Club.  It began as an offshoot of The Onion and features some of the best comedy writing and insightful commentary you're ever going to find.  How about an in depth review of the 1988 feature length McDonald's commercial Mac and Me?  How about an op-ed piece about the KFC Famous Bowl by funny man Patton Oswalt?  How about a drinking game based on the Ken Burns documentary The Civil War?  You can find all that and more!  Here's a quick taste of Mac and Me to wet your whistle.

While we're talking about funny people on the internet, here's another funny person on the internet.  Words do not exist to give enough praise to the weekly American Idol recaps by Paul F. Tompkins.  Whether you're an avid Idol watcher or you haven't watched in years, these recaps are some of the best comedy writing in the history of the world.  You probably know Tompkins from Best Week Ever on VH1.  If you like my writing, Paul F. Tompkins has a similar sensibility except he's considerably funnier and probably uses better grammar.  I hate him.

Do you like funny jokes but hate Twitter?  Me too!  That's why I'm so glad to have WitStream.  WitStream gathers the funniest tweets from the country's best comedians and comedy writers and streams them right to your eyeballs without Ashton Kutcher getting in the way.  

You put the lime in the coconut.
I also love Letters of Note.  It's a frequently updated collection of fascinating correspondence.  For instance, you can read a letter from Mark Twain to Walt Whitman.  Or how about the speech that Richard Nixon would have delivered if Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin had perished on the moon in 1969?  Or an expletive-riddled fax composed by Hunter S. Thompson.  Or, how about a 15 word distress message carved into a coconut by a young John F. Kennedy.  There are hundreds of others to choose from and they're all incredibly interesting.  I don't recommend checking this site at your place of employment or you will get nothing accomplished, get fired, and become an alcoholic.

Look at this handsome son of a bitch.
Let's talk about podcasts, friends.  I love podcasts.  I listen to as many podcasts as I can get my ears on.  For starters, I'll recommend you to this list from The A.V. Club (worlds colliding!).  I would also direct you to Earwolf Radio.  What's so great about podcasts?  How about a ridiculous spoof of a detective story titled "Lucky Number Seven Slelevin?"  Did I mention that it stars Rob Huebel, Rob Corddry, Jon Hamm and Zach Galifianakis?  Well, it does!  

Alright, everybody.  I'm exhausted from regurgitating all of that previously existing information!  I hope you take my suggestions to heart and if you don't, well, you're a bad person.  Have a lovely weekend, Internuts and I'll see you back here soon!

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