Friday, March 11, 2011

Chris finally makes Led Zeppelin accessible to stoners.

Hello! It’s very nice to see you again. I assume that your hair looks nice today. Those pants make you look thin and attractive to the opposite gender. Or the same gender! Whichever gender you prefer, THEY LIKE YOUR PANTS! The weekend is almost here, casual reader! Let me be up front…I probably won’t write much on the weekends. I’m not your damn butler! I will not drop my personal plans at a moment’s notice to fetch you tea and cucumber sandwiches! Did you assume that I was a butler because of my monocle? Well, that’s probably my fault. Monocles are very butlery. I’m sorry I snapped at you.

However, I do pledge to write a little something every Friday for your perusal. Friday installments will be a little more loosey goosey than usual (impossible!). I’ll undo my cravat, affix my casual monocle, sip some Four Loko, and just shoot from the hip. Basically, I’m lazy on Fridays so I’ll write about whatever requires the least amount of effort. How do you like that work ethic, Greatest Generation?


Today, I have taken the lyrics of Stairway to Heaven and ran them through Google Translate about 15 times. I went through Chinese, French, Vietnamese, Russian, Yiddish, and a host of others. If you don’t know the song Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin follow these steps: 1) Spend more time using your cell phone. 2) Listen to Ke$ha and discuss her music with strangers. 3) Ironically wear a Members Only jacket. 4) Get ready to have a lot of regrets on your deathbed. Anyhow, enjoy and have a great weekend, Internuts! I’ll catch you on the flippity flop…

Stairway to Heaven

There. Where are the ladies? The glittering gold,
And in her purchase of the ladder is paradise.
When she is, she knows if the stores are not open
What is the word that she can get what she is looking for.

Oh, oh, and in her purchase of the ladder is paradise.

There is a wall sign, but she wanted to make sure
You know, sometimes it is because this word means.
In a tree in the slot, with Songbird, sing:
Sometimes all of our thoughts can be misguided.

Oh, I wonder
Oh, it surprised me.

I feel when I look to the west,
And my spirit is upset for travel.
I think that I have saw plumes of smoke and trees
The sound of that bear watching.

Oh, I wonder
Oh, I am quite surprised by this.

The rumor is, as soon as possible if we all call the tune
Then they whistle us to reason.
And a new dawn for those who stand around
The forest echoes with smiles.

If there is noise in the bushes
Do not panic
Queen, it's just a spring clean in May.
Yes, there are two possible paths, but in the long term
There is still time to change their habits.

This makes me think.

Ringing in his head, he does not go,
If you do not know:
The Piper associated his call.

Nice lady, can you hear the wind blow,
Did you think it?
Your manager is located within a whisper of wind.

As a way to wind down we take the road.
Our shadow is higher than ourselves
Woman…we all know.
What machines create white light and hope that shows...
Like everything else becomes the gold.
And if you listen hard to songs they will come.
Location is one at a time, even when the rock and roll.

And in her purchase of the ladder is paradise.

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